Everyone has different strengths and challenges when it comes to relationships, even if we’re not
always aware of them. The questions below are designed to highlight your personal challenges,
and provide feedback as to what you can do in order to enjoy better, more satisfying
Please answer all of the questions as honestly as you can, and if you're not sure, guess! If an item
doesn't seem to apply to you (for instance, if it asks about your parents but they are no longer
living, or about a past partner and you haven't had any), just put down your best guess as to what
the answer might be if it did apply to you.
Based on your answers, your suggested priority area(s) to work on are:
What does your priority area mean?
Solid Self has to do with having a clear and stable sense of who you are. If this is an
area of challenge for you, you may still be trying to "find yourself," or you may be a bit
of a chameleon, changing to suit whoever you're with. Your area of focus includes
clarifying your personal values and principals, and gaining the tools and confidence to
stay true to them.
Emotional Reactivity is the tendency to get carried away by intense feelings, which
can sometimes feel like being on an emotional rollercoaster. You are a passionate
person. Your area of focus is to learn how to notice your emotions, use them and enjoy
them, while becoming more able to turn the intensity down and calm yourself when you
Fusion refers to being so tightly connected to someone else that you risk losing sight of
your separate identity. You may have intensely close, or intensely conflicted
relationships. Your area of focus includes learning to be more inward-focussed, and to
cultivate your individual goals and interests.
Cut-off is a tendency to avoid intense emotional connection either by leaving physically
or disconnecting emotionally. You may pride yourself on independence and self-sufficiency,
but may be missing out on more than you realize. Your challenge is to
develop more open, meaningful relationships, starting with the people in your family.
Triangles is the tendency, when things get intense in a relationship, to involve a third
person to diffuse the tension. You may find yourself being pulled into other people's
conflicts, or needing reinforcements when your own relationships are strained. Your area
of focus includes cultivating the ability to keep calm and work things out one-on-one.
Note: If you’re using the book, alone or with a therapist, these
are your numerical scores to use in the LCI chapter: